Coming Home by Lacy Chambers

I came home from the hospital using a walker. My kids hadn't seen me walk yet, everytime they visited in the hospital I was in bed. When they saw me walk for the first time how I was walking they both looked terrified. It was so hard for me knowing I was scaring them with my new reality. We talked about it and they worked on accepting what was going on. I wasn't walking without assistance for another week after coming home. Then I was slowly, cautiously walking staying near things I could walk along, walls, furniture, holding someone's arm. I was still having numbness on my left side but my walking was improving drastically. I was thrilled. Then less than a week later I had a relapse of my weakness symptoms and couldn't walk normally again, this time for over 2 weeks. I have since had 4 more relapses of my weakness episodes and am still to this day numb on part of my left side and where I'm not numb I have major sensation issues. The Dr's have no idea if I will ever re-gain normal feeling on that side. I have had to change my wardrobe. Because of my numbness and sensation issues I can only wear certain fabrics and styles of clothing or it causes severe irritation. I am also very sensitive to temperature on that side. Getting adjusted to my new body has been difficult but it has also brought so many blessings. Since I never know when I wake up in the morning if I will be walking by the end of the day or not and then how long I won't be able to walk for, it has made me grateful for every moment I have. I have learned to more fully enjoy and appreciate those around me and the simple things in life that I can do. I have been able to allow people to serve me more, and has made me so much more grateful for the tender moments my body allows me to serve. I have learned to let go and not be so OCD all the time about things. I used to make sure everything in my kitchen was put away a certain way and if someone else helped out and put things away I would spend time "fixing" it. Now I let people put things how they want and leave them. I am actually putting things away not as "perfect and in order" as before. It has given me more time to rest and appreciate things going on around me. Who has time to spend worrying about if the plates were put away properly? I have also learned that it is ok to have frozen meals for extended periods of time or to fix whatever is simple. I used to feel like if I didn't have a homemade meal every night that was balanced and nutritious that I was failing at being a wife and mother. But the truth that I have learned is that the important part is being together as a family enjoying whatever is put in front of you. And if I take the easy route because I have to that day, it's ok. Everyone will live.